wehavemagnums
+11 -0
Like a Christmas gargoyle!
Like a Christmas gargoyle!
hipjiverobot
+0 -0
Every day is Christmas in the Onstad house. Luckily for Teodor.
Every day is Christmas in the Onstad house. Luckily for Teodor.
fineoakstructure
+2 -0
I imagine this being sung to the tune of "like a rhinestone cowboy..."
I imagine this being sung to the tune of "like a rhinestone cowboy..."
epicurus
+5 -0
I have been woken up by this dog. I am never closer to irreperable acts than when some damn repetitive noise will not stop early in the A.M.
I have been woken up by this dog. I am never closer to irreperable acts than when some damn repetitive noise will not stop early in the A.M.
fuckyoufriday
+36 -1
I've often had disturbing fantasies of songbirds exploding mid-flight into little showers of gore because they won't shut the FUCK up and it's 5:30 in the FUCKing morning and I couldn't FUCKING SLEEP AGAIN .
I've often had disturbing fantasies of songbirds exploding mid-flight into little showers of gore because they won't shut the FUCK up and it's 5:30 in the FUCKing morning and I couldn't FUCKING SLEEP AGAIN .
epicurus
+56 -0
I have explored a darker side of my soul early in the morning when a bird will not shut up. I imagine lengthy scenarios where the bird, returning from a bar late at night, is pursued by a shadowy figure (me) and slowly shown through a series of phone calls and photographs that their family is dying in real time.
I have explored a darker side of my soul early in the morning when a bird will not shut up. I imagine lengthy scenarios where the bird, returning from a bar late at night, is pursued by a shadowy figure (me) and slowly shown through a series of phone calls and photographs that their family is dying in real time.
malachi
+0 -0
Oh sweet God.
This needs to be a movie. Saw-style.
Oh sweet God.
This needs to be a movie. Saw-style.
jackparsons
+17 -0
Someone 5 houses over owns a goddam rooster.
Someone 5 houses over owns a goddam rooster.
dumase
+3 -0
One of my neighbours whose house is directly behind me raises livestock. I actually had to go over to his house and politely ask if he could not behead his rabbits at 4 or 5 in the morning.
One of my neighbours whose house is directly behind me raises livestock. I actually had to go over to his house and politely ask if he could not behead his rabbits at 4 or 5 in the morning.
soticoto
+4 -1
I used to live on a poultry farm.
My mother bred chickens for shows, and had an entire pen full of super-huge prize-winner roosters right outside my bedroom window.
... And the farm was surrounded by a Rookery. Sometimes the Rooks and the Poultry would get in a Sound-Off...
And then the Geese would show up, and the Rooks and Roosters got served.
And this happened most mornings.
... But I didn't care, as I had to get up at 5:30 every morning for Piano Practice before school in those days. Joke was on everyone else.
I used to live on a poultry farm.
My mother bred chickens for shows, and had an entire pen full of super-huge prize-winner roosters right outside my bedroom window.
... And the farm was surrounded by a Rookery. Sometimes the Rooks and the Poultry would get in a Sound-Off...
And then the Geese would show up, and the Rooks and Roosters got served.
And this happened most mornings.
... But I didn't care, as I had to get up at 5:30 every morning for Piano Practice before school in those days. Joke was on everyone else.
dracer2
+1 -0
When I was a kid I had to get up around 8:00 for school. I never slept till 8:00 though, no, I couldn't, because every day my fuckin' sister would get up at 6:00am and practice her violin for two hours in the hall outside my bedroom door. We had a huge, quite, brick house, and she could have found somewhere where she wouldn't have bothered anyone very easily, but no, she contended that my hallway was the only place where the acoustics were good enough for her.
To this day the sound of a solo violin stirs up violent feelings of anger in me.
I guess in the interests of full disclosure I should mention that for many years I used to dip her dental plate in the fish tank and return it to its case as a form of revenge. And every night I would set her watch back five minutes. As far as I know though, she still doesn't know about either of those things.
When I was a kid I had to get up around 8:00 for school. I never slept till 8:00 though, no, I couldn't, because every day my fuckin' sister would get up at 6:00am and practice her violin for two hours in the hall outside my bedroom door. We had a huge, quite, brick house, and she could have found somewhere where she wouldn't have bothered anyone very easily, but no, she contended that my hallway was the only place where the acoustics were good enough for her.
To this day the sound of a solo violin stirs up violent feelings of anger in me.
I guess in the interests of full disclosure I should mention that for many years I used to dip her dental plate in the fish tank and return it to its case as a form of revenge. And every night I would set her watch back five minutes. As far as I know though, she still doesn't know about either of those things.
machegav
+2 -0
One day she'll spontaneously furrow her brow in sudden speculation, walk to the nearest computer to google "fish-flavoured dental plate", and three out of four keyords will deliver her to the inevitable truth.
One day she'll spontaneously furrow her brow in sudden speculation, walk to the nearest computer to google "fish-flavoured dental plate", and three out of four keyords will deliver her to the inevitable truth.
cjfoster
+7 -0
delightful!!
delightful!!
yingkaixing
+6 -0
Chubbied for avatar/comment pairing
Chubbied for avatar/comment pairing
atticusonline
+0 -0
Fuckin delightful!
haha chubby
Fuckin delightful!
haha chubby
charchar
+8 -0
In my old town, there was a 5:30 train.
I no longer live there, but am buffeted about in a constant roar of jet noise and artillery fire from the military base which seems to live down the street. Also, school here starts and 7:25. my bus leaves at 6;45, and I have to get up at 5:30 anyways. High school sucks some furious ding-dong.
In my old town, there was a 5:30 train.
I no longer live there, but am buffeted about in a constant roar of jet noise and artillery fire from the military base which seems to live down the street. Also, school here starts and 7:25. my bus leaves at 6;45, and I have to get up at 5:30 anyways. High school sucks some furious ding-dong.
heccibiggs
+1 -0
You start school at 7:25??? DANG. I don't have to be at college until 10. I get up no earlier than 8:30. And I'm only in three days a week.
I am so, so sorry.
You start school at 7:25??? DANG. I don't have to be at college until 10. I get up no earlier than 8:30. And I'm only in three days a week.
I am so, so sorry.
charchar
+3 -0
Chubby for giving me something to look forward to. Yay for hope!
Chubby for giving me something to look forward to. Yay for hope!
heccibiggs
+0 -0
Oh my God . Pity chubby, dogg.
Oh my God . Pity chubby, dogg.
mangtastic
+0 -0
My grandfather owned a rooster when my father was a small boy.
It apparently used to wake everyone on the block up at ungodly hours.
Also, they apparently took it for walks around the block with a piece of string tied around its neck. They were the "quirky" family from oak park, Chicago.
My grandfather owned a rooster when my father was a small boy.
It apparently used to wake everyone on the block up at ungodly hours.
Also, they apparently took it for walks around the block with a piece of string tied around its neck. They were the "quirky" family from oak park, Chicago.
scorpio_nadir
+0 -0
I've always wondered if you could actually do that with a chicken or rooster. We used to speculate on exactly that notion, since my dog is such a terror to walk.
But then a skunk came and got both chickens a week apart, took them up on the roof for a meal.
I've always wondered if you could actually do that with a chicken or rooster. We used to speculate on exactly that notion, since my dog is such a terror to walk.
But then a skunk came and got both chickens a week apart, took them up on the roof for a meal.
machegav
+0 -0
I hope it fed them well.
I hope it fed them well.
pyro_ike
+2 -0
It has been scientifically proven that the birds who sing so damn early do so because they are not getting laid. Thus we can see that their misfortune initiates a circle of spite that crosses species boundaries.
It has been scientifically proven that the birds who sing so damn early do so because they are not getting laid. Thus we can see that their misfortune initiates a circle of spite that crosses species boundaries.
pogo
+0 -1
Perhaps if you went to bed earlier ...
Perhaps if you went to bed earlier ...
nickb285
+2 -0
(Foreword: My mom and her siblings grew up on a farm for part of their childhoods, which is probably why this happened)
My uncle is a lawyer, and when he was going to law school he lived in the Los Angeles area. Outside of his apartment lived a little bird that would chirp incessantly starting at about 3:30 in the morning. Finally, the day before the bar exam, he could take no more. When the bird began to sing, he got out of bed, shuffled to his closet, took his .22 rifle, opened the window, and shot the bird. In the middle of Los Angeles.
When his wife (who grew up in the city and wasn't thrilled about him owning a gun to begin with) asked in a horrified tone what the hell he was doing, he replied, "couldn't sleep." He then put the gun back in the closet and went back to bed, satisfied.
So yeah, my family basically confirms all of the world's stereotypes about Americans.
(Foreword: My mom and her siblings grew up on a farm for part of their childhoods, which is probably why this happened)
My uncle is a lawyer, and when he was going to law school he lived in the Los Angeles area. Outside of his apartment lived a little bird that would chirp incessantly starting at about 3:30 in the morning. Finally, the day before the bar exam, he could take no more. When the bird began to sing, he got out of bed, shuffled to his closet, took his .22 rifle, opened the window, and shot the bird. In the middle of Los Angeles.
When his wife (who grew up in the city and wasn't thrilled about him owning a gun to begin with) asked in a horrified tone what the hell he was doing, he replied, "couldn't sleep." He then put the gun back in the closet and went back to bed, satisfied.
So yeah, my family basically confirms all of the world's stereotypes about Americans.
stuart
+0 -0
A comment left by stuart was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, mckayle, werewolves, _cheesekayke, atticusonline)
A comment left by stuart was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by ButterMoths, mckayle, werewolves, _cheesekayke, atticusonline)
_cheesekayke
+0 -0
I am sorry. I did not mean to lame you.
I am sorry. I did not mean to lame you.
stuart
+0 -0
I can't figure out how or why that got trilamed. It's exactly what I think.
I can't figure out how or why that got trilamed. It's exactly what I think.
epicurus
+11 -0
Sometimes what one thinks is lame. It is the cold facts.
On a lighter note, I gave it a chubby.
Sometimes what one thinks is lame. It is the cold facts.
On a lighter note, I gave it a chubby.
woof
+15 -1
alt text: Téodor is the Anthony Kiedis of hiding in the hallway
alt text: Téodor is the Anthony Kiedis of hiding in the hallway
overmedicated
+0 -0
A comment left by overmedicated was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cuntpills69, ntopp, bug, gethen)
A comment left by overmedicated was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by cuntpills69, ntopp, bug, gethen)
mastronaut
+1 -0
I saw it as the style of walk anybody would have barefoot on a cold floor, sneaking around naked at 5:30 AM.
I saw it as the style of walk anybody would have barefoot on a cold floor, sneaking around naked at 5:30 AM.
cuddlefish
+4 -1
how many times have I uttered the phrase 'ugh, oh god... too early for pants'? oh man. roomates hate me now.
how many times have I uttered the phrase 'ugh, oh god... too early for pants'? oh man. roomates hate me now.
jlynes
+4 -0
It is always too early for pants.
It is always too early for pants.
centipede_damascus
+1 -0
Man, I never thought about it until now, but Teodor's head looks like it's more than a third of his body mass.
Man, I never thought about it until now, but Teodor's head looks like it's more than a third of his body mass.
deancain29
+0 -0
its plain weird
its plain weird
_cheesekayke
+2 -0
I hope to God that that is Teodor's stocking.
I hope to God that that is Teodor's stocking.
zedpower
+25 -0
"Ugh oh god too early for not putting my dick in Philippe's stocking"
"Ugh oh god too early for not putting my dick in Philippe's stocking"
erinye
+1 -0
Even more horrifying is the possibility that it is, in fact, the stocking of Spawn of Onstad.
Even more horrifying is the possibility that it is, in fact, the stocking of Spawn of Onstad.
son_of_selleck
+0 -0
oh man... i just got hella giggles for 10 minutes after reading this strip... my stomach hurts.
oh man... i just got hella giggles for 10 minutes after reading this strip... my stomach hurts.
bourbonsamurai
+0 -0
Of course Teodor sleeps without pants. Genius.
Of course Teodor sleeps without pants. Genius.
shogun
+5 -0
yat-TA, yat-TA, yat-TA.
Is so easy. Happy go lakee. We are the waaruudoo! (Click, pick a video format to watch and be astounded)
yat-TA, yat-TA, yat-TA.
Is so easy. Happy go lakee. We are the waaruudoo! (Click, pick a video format to watch and be astounded)
nigelchaos
+0 -1
Also.. https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/yatta
Also.. https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/yatta
sexualhomeboy
+3 -0
oh god what in hell are you doin sittin around watchin yatta like it was just a basic day man what in hell !
oh god what in hell are you doin sittin around watchin yatta like it was just a basic day man what in hell !
drskradley
+0 -0
Sometimes, it is far too early for pants.
Sometimes, it is far too early for pants.
tagrineth
+0 -0
The surreptitious glancing on panels 7 & 8 makes this strip for me
The surreptitious glancing on panels 7 & 8 makes this strip for me
zebogen
+0 -0
The alt-text makes it.
The alt-text makes it.
shakey
+0 -0
cinch as a sound effect for sock to junk fastening.
cinch as a sound effect for sock to junk fastening.
xiaomimi
+21 -0
Today's Blogs
Molly: The ACHEWOOD A-LIST! ...for December 19, 2005.
Onstad: Year-end wrap up
Today's Blogs
Molly: The ACHEWOOD A-LIST! ...for December 19, 2005.
Onstad: Year-end wrap up
redmange
+0 -0
This technique has never failed me. Except that time in Istanbul when I bunked in a monastery for a couple weeks. Those broads were having none of it.
This technique has never failed me. Except that time in Istanbul when I bunked in a monastery for a couple weeks. Those broads were having none of it.
direhaggis
+0 -0
Teodor has class reminiscent of Circus Penis. Even when confronted with Onstad coming down and possibly seeing his junk, he carefully removes the stocking from the hook without tearing the cloth hanging loop.
Teodor has class reminiscent of Circus Penis. Even when confronted with Onstad coming down and possibly seeing his junk, he carefully removes the stocking from the hook without tearing the cloth hanging loop.
possums
+0 -0
KLACK KLACK KLACK KLACK KLACK?
What's going on out there? Smash Brothers tournament?
KLACK KLACK KLACK KLACK KLACK?
What's going on out there? Smash Brothers tournament?
deusoma
+0 -0
Jesus, three years on and this one still gets me every single time. I love you, ridiculous Teodor.
Jesus, three years on and this one still gets me every single time. I love you, ridiculous Teodor.
ham_shoes
+0 -0
But why does he have to hide?
But why does he have to hide?
puguglypress
+0 -0
Panel 14 looks exactly like Ray used to.
Panel 14 looks exactly like Ray used to.
Interesting that while Achewood is all about cats, and that dogs are considered vulgar and rude, Chris owns a dog.
What's also interesting is that Teodor's idea of stealth is to tie a Christmas stocking around his junk and stand on one foot against a wall.
And the way he changes his facial expression when he does it is even better.
Teodor is capitalizing on Onstad's unique medical condition; he cannot see well-hung gargoyles.
Teodor is not well hung, as established in the next comic he is hung like a cranberry.
Isn't that a popular Christmas carol?
"Cranberry-hung gargoyles all decked round the tree."
Making the addition of the stocking all the more necessary.
That's why Chris didn't recognize him!
He threw him a gookie:
[IMGS OFF]
A comment left by lrosetw8 was marked lame too many times and excluded. (marked lame by wharfrat, ShemmJacc, kylank, Deusoma, sevenarts, farqussus, Siah, Boyd, gkiyo)
Ahh why did this get lamed. That movie, and especially that bit, is cold hilarious.
seconded.
Thirded, man. Its hard to believe it was made by the same people responsible for Home on the Range.
That would have worked perfectly well without the word "cold", as, for that matter, would several of your other comments I've noticed about the place.
My own comment there probably would have worked as well with fewer commas though, so who knows?
Even better if you just hadn't said anything at all
Don't be silly now.
Commentary is what feeds assetbar. One cannot convey anything through non-conveyance, nice though it would be if one could.
This also confirms what I have suspected for a while: Teodor's penis is the size of an ostrich's head.
No, dude, he's hung like a cranberry. Further evidence.
They got some fuckin' weird decorations at the Onstad home for that stuff to pass by that stuff with nary a word.
Yeah, they barely ever seem to mention the dog though.
Which is strange, since it lives in the house with five or six of the characters.
I don't believe it has ever even been shown. The only dogs I recall were the one that Todd abused and the Magreux Dog.
Plus the one that licked Pat as he was dragged by a demon banjo.